I did something a couple weeks ago I never thought I’d do as a pastor. I abandoned someone at the communion table.
It wasn’t as intentional as when John Wesley supposedly refused communion to a former love interest, but it did spur some deep reflection from the person who was left standing there.
We serve communion every week at our church and we also provide gluten-free elements for those who desire them. Usually we have one or two folks take the gluten-free elements, so the folks who set up our altar table don’t put out many gluten-free wafers. On this day, though, we had a run on the wafers. I was holding the gluten-free elements and when I saw we were out of wafers, I panicked and ran out of the room to frantically get some more. I was oblivious to the woman who was approaching me to receive communion and it looked like I had decided to run out on her, rather than offer the body and blood of Christ.
Afterward, the woman approached me and wanted to reflect with me on what she was feeling. She understood why I did it and that it wasn’t personal, but she said, “I stood there and really thought about what it meant to be abandoned at the table. It wasn’t a good feeling.”
A book by Mother Teresa was published several years ago and it shocked some because she wrote honestly about the feeling of desolation she felt. “In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me — of God not being God — of God not existing,” is one excerpt she wrote. Feeling abandoned by God is very normal.
As the woman was standing there waiting for me to return with more gluten-free wafers, another woman came up and stood next to her. “Are you waiting for the wafers?” she asked. The woman said, yes. The second woman said, “Good. I’ll wait here with you.” As we reflect on what abandonment means in our own lives, sometimes God’s presence sidles up to us and waits it out with us.