“Teach us to number our days so we can have a wise heart.” (Psalm 90:12, CEB)
It’s not unusual for me to have been in meetings where, if an important point needs to be made or a nugget of wisdom needs to be shared, I’ll look around the table and look for the adult in the room. The person who moves us forward. The person who’s been here before. Since starting Urban Village and spending a lot of my time with people 20 years younger than me, I’ve become used to realizing that I’m often the person that others are looking to, but I don’t know if I’ve ever fully embraced it. Surely there’s someone else who knows what they’re doing that I can look to.
Something happened a couple weeks ago, though, that has made me be more comfortable with being the “wise” one in the room. I turned 50 (and received a delightful cake from my church, playing on the cover of my book). 5-0. It still looks a little absurd since I don’t feel like I’m 50. One can kind of get away with being a young adult in their 30s and maybe even (depending on the company you keep) into your 40s, but 50 is flat-out being a mature adult. Responsible. Someone who knows what they’re doing.
I would imagine that a lot of folks who are 50+ would chuckle at that because I think most of us have moments where we have no idea what we’re doing. Richard Rohr explores the process of spiritual maturing in his book, “Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.” I won’t go into a huge summary of the book, but he notes that when a person reaches the second half of life (and this doesn’t necessarily have an age attached to it), one realizes that “it’s not what you do for God; it’s what God has done for you. You switch from trying to love God to just letting God love you. And it’s at that point you fall in love with God. In the second half of life, you start to understand that life is not only about doing; it’s about being.”
Amidst the small little things that I’ve noticed as I age (a slower metabolism, achier knees when I run), I’m also grateful that I do believe that I’ve entered the second half. In the last couple of years, doing and accomplishing hasn’t been quite as important. Sharing wisdom and being more attentive to mentoring has become a higher priority. And, frankly, that comes as a relief.
More and more, I’m the one at the table that others may look to. My prayer is that I can return the gaze and not feel pressure to give the perfect answer. My prayer is that I can incarnate a God who delights in all the stages of life.