One of my favorite web sites (and I’m not sure what this says about me) is Awkward Family Photos. I haven’t taken the time to learn how they’ve collected all these, but I can’t stop looking at the varieties of families and trying to figure out their mindset when they say things like, “I think it’s a great idea to take a photo of the two of us and you’ll only be wearing your bra and I’ll be shirtless and we’ll sketch a photo of our unborn baby on your stomach.” It’s amazing to see the wide variety of families that are out there in the world.
“Family values” and “Christianity” (for better or for worse) seem to go together and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are occasions for preachers around the country to put those two things together. They may bring up the commandment that tells people to honor their father or mother or they may look to some parts of the New Testament that give parenting advice, like Ephesians 6:4, which says, “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I doubt, however, that many people will be using the text we’ll be using from the gospel of Mark (3:31-35).
We’re continuing our sermon series on the real love of God and we’re focusing on how that love can be known through our families. This can be a tricky thing to bring up. For those that have fantastic relationships with their parents or children or other extended family members, of course they can see God’s love in their family. But it’s no secret that there are plenty of others who have a more complicated (if not painful) family dynamic. As we explore how we can experience God’s love through family, it makes sense to turn to Jesus, but I’m not sure the passage from Mark gives us, at first, a clear understanding.
It’s helpful to give some context to this passage. Before Jesus seemingly disses his mother and brothers, Mark 3:20 mentions that Jesus has gone to a house and was surrounded by a crowd. Mark is a very active gospel so even though it’s only chapter 3, Jesus has already done numerous things to this point in his ministry, like healing, exorcising demons, preaching, and confronting some of the religious authorities. Because of this, some were eager to take him out of the picture (Mark 3:6 notes that two groups of authorities–Pharisees and Herodians–conspired on “how to destroy (Jesus)”.) It appears that his family was concerned, too, as 3:21 notes, “When his family heard (that he was at the house), they went out to restrain him, for people were saying, ‘He has gone out of his mind.’"
We’re not exactly sure if his family was more concerned about Jesus’ mental well-being or the fact that he might bring shame to their family name, but clearly they were interested in taking him aside to see if, at the very least, he might tone things down a bit. From there, more religious authorities accuse him of being ruled by demons and then Jesus engages in a philosophical discussion as he wonders, how is it possible that a person who’s possessed by demons would cast out demons or how is it possible if a house is divided against itself would stand? That segues into the text we’re exploring where instead of going out to his family to talk with them, Jesus gives a new definition of family:
” ‘Who are my mothers and brothers?’ And looking at those who sat around him, he said, ‘Here are my mother and brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.’“
Ouch.
What is a self-respecting preacher supposed to do with this text? How can we talk about Christian family values and/or explore how we experience God’s love in family if Jesus himself doesn’t seem to acknowledge his own family?
Let’s take a closer look. First, we have to note that while there are other instances of Jesus seemingly rebelling against his family (Luke 2:41-52 and John 2:1-4 are a couple of examples), there are other examples of Jesus caring for his family. As Jesus is being crucified in John 19, verses 26 and 27 show that Jesus wants to make sure his mother is cared for. So Jesus wasn’t a total rebel and didn’t have it in for his family. But it’s clear he had, to coin a cliche, a higher (and more pressing) calling.
This calling, as Dr. Wendy Farley notes in Feasting on the Word means that Jesus "is open to everybody: Gentiles, Jews, the poor, the demented, the sick, working class, women, tax collectors, sexual outcasts. The only people who provoke Jesus’ intolerance are his family and the normal, law-abiding scribes…The passage displays the difficulties of telling madness and evil from the inbreaking of the Holy Spirit and implies that it is especially difficult for domestic and ecclesial authorities.”
Jesus came to usher in the kingdom of God not just to his family, but to an assortment of individuals, especially the outcasts. Living out this calling meant that he was being true to his authentic self. That meant that there could be (and probably was) conflict and maybe arguments with his family of origin. And that’s where love comes in.
Is it possible that fighting and conflict can be a way to show and experience love in our families? Like Jesus dissing his family, this seems incongruent. And yet this might be the greatest gift we can give to our family. If you believe that you have been gifted by God in a certain way and have been called to live into a Spirit-infused life that is authentic, real, and uniquely you, that could very well go against what a family member has in mind. This could be anything. It could be a vocation you want to explore, it could be a school you want to attend, it could mean that you actively pursue a life following Jesus, it could mean coming out as an LGBT person.
Irenaeus was a man who lived in the second century and is considered one of the saints and early fathers of the Christian church and he noted that “The glory of God is a human being fully alive; and to be alive consists in beholding God.” I believe being fully alive is beholding God and being authentically you. Being authentically you means that not everyone will be on board with the authentic you, including your family. And that might mean conflict. It’s quite possible that that conflict might be a gift and a way for your family to take stock of their own lives. If they see you living a fully-alive-in-God life, perhaps they will reflect on whether they are doing the same thing.
I don’t want to overlook the fact that this might not be the case at all. I’ve heard too many stories of fractured families where a person chooses to be the person they believe they are called to be and a family member (or many family members) never quite gets over that. It’s difficult to see where this could actually be a gift and a way to show and experience love. It may get to the point where you have to expand your definition of family, as Jesus did.
Jesus’ family probably wasn’t thrilled with the way that Jesus defined family, especially since many of them were considered undesirable by society. And yet Jesus was more concerned about spending time with people who were doing the will of God, who were exploring their lives and living into them in a way that brought glory to God and exhibited God’s radical love.
Fighting with your family is not easy. And yet it can also be a way to experience and exhibit love. Those moments may not be family-photo worthy, but I believe they’re worth living into.