Steve Rosenbloom is a sports columnist for the Chicago Tribune. He writes a column (though it’s really more like a blog entry) where he spends most of his time agitating, playing the devil’s advocate, and criticizing various Chicago sports teams and figures. I get that that’s his shtick, but I’m not usually in the mood for it while eating my breakfast. The other day, though, he was writing about Howie Long, a former NFL player who has two sons in the NFL. One plays for the St. Louis Rams and the other plays for the Bears. The Bears and the Rams played each other on Nov. 24, so Long had the dilemma of watching two sons literally smack into each other on the field. Rosenbloom was writing about a radio interview that Long gave and wrote this, “Howie Long says that he ascribes to a belief that co-host Dan Bernstein repeated: You’re only as happy as your saddest child. If you’re not a parent, you think it’s a depressing line. If you’re a parent, you’ve been nodding all along.”
This may be wisdom that’s been around for a while, but it’s the first time I had read it. It made sense to me when I read it and, now that my daughter is going through disappointment, it’s as clear as day.
My daughter loves volleyball. Loves it. The other day we were at an assembly about high-school options for students who live in Chicago and the counselor advised the students to make a list of the things that would be really important to them in a school. Caroline looked at me and pantomimed doing a bump in volleyball. Later I asked what would be her second item on this list. She thought about it and said, “Lunch.” Clearly, volleyball is the most important thing. She plays on her school’s team and last year played on a club team from December through April. There were two 12 & Under teams on this club and she played on the “A” team. She had a great time, made new friends, and probably has a closer affinity for this club team than her school team. She was looking forward to doing club volleyball again though things are different this season. The club must be gaining in notoriety because a lot more girls are a part of it, which meant there are now three teams (A, B, C) in her age division, 13 & Under. She was hoping and hoping that she’d make the A team, but when they announced the teams on Wednesday night, she learned she was on the B team. What makes this particularly hard is that all of her friends from school are on the A team.
There were tears shed and confusion voiced. Her mom and I did our best to encourage her and point out the positives of the situation while also acknowledging that, yes, disappointment stings. What struck me was how hard I was taking it. Not that I thought she was mistreated or that her being on the second team was an unfair decision, but when your child hurts, you hurt. I woke up that night around 2:30 a.m. and discovered a sadness had set up shop in my mind. Would my daughter be OK? How can I help her through this? On the one hand, this is a little ridiculous. She’s 12. This is hardly a major crisis. One should go through disappointment and discouragement because it is a great teaching tool. And yesterday, she rebounded and seemed to be in better spirits.
It won’t be the season she dreamed of this year, but I trust she will grow from it. And, it turns out, I will, too.