Let your steadfast love come to me, O Lord, your salvation according to your promise. (Psalm 119:41)
dong-DONG!
That’s about as close as I can get to putting into words the sound I hear when I wave my Ventra card in front of the little window as you enter the train turnstiles. (For those who don’t live in Chicago: Ventra is the new ticket/card system we have to use to gain access to trains and buses). The message tells you to “Tap Below,” and when you do, you hear a little tone (“dong” or maybe it’s “bohm”) and then the window should turn green to tell you to Go! and you hear a higher pitched “DONG”! Instead (as you can see in this video), it’s not unusual for me to hear the rapid-fire “dong-dong-dong” that tells me to try again. So I do. Again. And again. Until the third or fourth try when Ventra finally lets receives my card. I wish Ventra would accept me the first time, but apparently this is part of our relationship. It plays hard to get.
The psalmist’s desire is clear: “Let your steadfast love come to me, O Lord.” Certainly that’s a prayer many of us can get on board with. My problem, though, is that I sometimes act like Ventra. God is more than happy to shower me with love, but do I receive it? Sometimes, no. So God tries again. And again. On my better days, I let the love seep into my soul. Lately, I’ve been trying to very intentional about simply acknowledging God’s loving gaze upon me and receiving this. I set aside how others feel about me. I try not to get anxious by an unreturned email, text or phone call. What matters most is God’s loving gaze, which is overflowing and ever-present. I do my best not to play hard to get.